Monday, December 31, 2012
Day 921: KatyDidCancer Year in Review
But I'm not going to do that.
I love writing this blog, but damn, it can get deep. And I'm not really that deep, at least not most of the time. I'm the girl who likes to watch football and makes playlists about bootys and reads People magazine and steals the last swing from some kid at the park so I can use it myself.
So, I'm going to pay homage to some of the people who have helped me keep it light this year, which was easier to do than in 2011 or God help me 2010, but still a bit of a challenge on occasion.
Here's to the people who make the Internet worthwhile, those lost souls who do amazingly awesome Google searches that send them to katydidcancer, which was clearly not what they were looking for, though they chose to read it all the same.
It may be disturbing, but I will always take some kind of misplaced cancer girl pride in all the searches for "hot bald girls," "sexy bald women," "hot skinny bald chicks with scars," (whoa, that's specific!) and "hot naked body" that lead people here, though I'm not exactly sure about that last one. I've put some questionable pics on here, but nothing I would be embarrassed for my family to see. Furthermore, to all those searching for GI Jane, I know you were hoping for Demi Moore, but oops you got me instead! Holla!
And to all the pervs out there who are looking for some online pleasure but have clearly not really learned how to use the Internet, you absolutely deserve to get sent to a cancer blog! Google ain't THAT smart, so if you're searching for "16 year old breasts," "wife undressing," "nice nipples," "my first time," or Jesus Christ, "corrupting virgins," you might get better results if YOU GOT THE HELL OFF OF GOOGLE. And it kind of seems redundant to search for "naked vagina," unless you are a 10 year old boy and you don't know what else to type in, and then I feel really, really bad that you got sent to a breast cancer blog because that will be more traumatizing to you than what you were hoping to find.
And I don't even know where to begin with "breast vacuum." Yikes.
First Post Chemo Haircut, because there are literally hundreds of people, women, I assume, who go into google and type "first post chemo haircut," "haircuts after chemo" or something almost exactly like that. They are probably the more normal, run of the mill cancer survivors, right? Then there are the folks who think about things like this:
"Chemo ennui." "pole dancing fitness for breast cancer survivors." And my personal favorite: "Cancer, I'm sorry...you suck." Can I get an amen?
And I DEFINITELY need an Amen for "pimps with cancer."
To all those who were looking for useful information online, I'm glad that I could serve as a PSA of sorts. Because someone has to help those dudes who are looking up "vasectomy shave" and "shaving my balls."
To those with existential crises, I salute you: "How long is 642 days?" "places to go." and "I feel like I'm doing everything halfway."
Some problems are bigger than Google.
And some are too specific for the Internet Gods to handle, methinks: "my girlfriend is running away with the circus." "is kissing ungodly?"
and finally...this. This search, which actually led to a post in my other blog, one written about my wedding, of all things:
"how to O and get your brother's girlfriend to look at your penis."
Ain't a search engine on God's green earth that could help that guy.
So thank you to those who read my blogs, and thank you to those who just make me smile. After all, if no one had ever googled "live chicken on six," and then read the really deep and insightful cancer post he was sent to, I wouldn't have a second blog at all.
So here's to 2013. May we all live through it, and love through it, and laugh through it. Nothing much else we can do!