tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125354934408472049.post2461010183147353951..comments2024-02-20T00:10:20.214-06:00Comments on KatyDid Cancer: Day 11Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125354934408472049.post-9618001931771246942010-05-16T13:12:32.812-05:002010-05-16T13:12:32.812-05:00You know, it's funny...I'm actually learni...You know, it's funny...I'm actually learning some stuff I didn't know by reading this blog--not always about the NOW, necessarily, since I'm obviously in touch with Mom at any time I'm not directly in touch with you and Gabe and the kids, though I of course do learn some things in "real time" here--but about the past. <br /><br />I remember the wheelchair and the night terrors and of course the day of the car accident (that has stayed entirely vivid for 25 years). But I had no memory of the fact that you were expecting to see Meg that afternoon...and yet I must certainly have known that then. I had no memory of your missing school having extended for 3 months; I remember individual incidents (trick-or-treating with the wheelchair), but of course had a really different understanding of the passage of time as a kid and don't remember those months as a whole stretch.<br /><br />And obviously I never could have known about your own time-passage epiphany, unless you had told me, which doesn't seem like something a 9-year-old would suddenly decide to say to a 12-year-old (I wonder if most childhood revelations are almost by definition private ones). It's rather an unimportant effect of the blog, comparatively speaking, this calling back of things perhaps once known or revealing of things never known. But something about the way various moments and relationships in your life are all intersecting through your posts and the responses to them is really impressive.<br /><br />I'm sort of getting to see you in the context of your friends and memories and forecasts into the future, whereas I normally see you in the context of my visits to Chicago, which are about family per se by definition. I cry from time to time as I read, but mostly I just smile. There's something great about having this virtual space, as awful as it is that it will (as you note) be a hundreds-of-days-long phenomenon rather than, say, a few-weeks-long one.<br /><br />It's easier for me--for anyone on the outside--to jump a year into the future, certainly. Most of the time, that's what I do: I think about being able to look back on all of this with you in the summer of 2011. The blog helps to keep a balance between the experienced present and the projected/predicted future, while also bringing back (or introducing) bits of the past.<br /><br />That's a neat temporal trick.<br /><br />I hope the whole thing is a helpful to you as it is to all of us.<br /><br />love,<br />LukeLukehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15232639870123298701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125354934408472049.post-16398802774015659002010-05-16T00:52:58.671-05:002010-05-16T00:52:58.671-05:00The tidal waves of fear that you're having do ...The tidal waves of fear that you're having do not mean you are weak, or negative, or even a downer. This fear means you human.<br /><br />And regarding your fear of never being the same again - your mom responds very eloquently above. For me, I turn to movie quotes. It's like Alan Rickman says in Dogma: "Knowing who you are now doesn't mean you aren't who you were... No one [and no things, including mutated cells] can take that away from you... All this means is a redefinition of that identity - the incorporation of this new data into who you are... Be who you've always been. Just be this as well..."<br /><br />Also, if you are worried about receiving support based on pity, sorry, Babe, but you said it yourself - lot's of people have had cancer, so that's not the reason for so much support. Hell, you won me over more than a two decades ago, long before your breast cells went wonky. My affection for you is based on many things, several of which are hilarious but out of respect for all involve I will not put on the internet, but not pity.<br /><br />As an aside, though, if there are those out there who are providing you with support based on pity, I say milk it for all it's worth, baby! Get all the support you can while you can! Afterwards you're still going to be stuck with the rest of us.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15004173055166404126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125354934408472049.post-67625938148291757512010-05-15T15:57:46.560-05:002010-05-15T15:57:46.560-05:00dear katy,
i've read every one of your blog en...dear katy,<br />i've read every one of your blog entries and plan to continue to. i'm so glad you have this outlet, for what it's worth, in writing. your voice is so strong, no matter how you might be feeling in the moment, and i hope you will banish all worries of being "too negative" or what have you, because i, for one, am not supporting you from a distance out of pity, but out of admiration, love, and respect for the bright woman i remember from college and the vulnerable, strong, sharp, ironic, raw, weak, and powerful woman i am reading here now. keep it coming, in all of it's paradoxes, low moments, and high moments. and of course, the grief 'stage' has not passed. of course, it will all come around again in cycles. keep it real, as you have been. your friend and admirer, anneAnne Liu Kellorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04194237835279617391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7125354934408472049.post-29029452271272247182010-05-15T13:32:54.758-05:002010-05-15T13:32:54.758-05:00I have been there from the beginning and can say w...I have been there from the beginning and can say without doubt that you have been and will always be you, no matter what happened, no matter what will. I can't begrudge you the question, since it's you that has to do this, but I think this blog answers it. You are your usual talented, inspiring, insightful self and this "fever" will not change that. And I call it a fever because when you were little that was the only time you allowed us to hold you - when you had a fever and were slowed down a bit. Otherwise, you were off and running. So I look at this as a rare chance to hold you for a bit before those brown eyes see the next thing to do. and you're off and running again.<br />I love you,<br />MomMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05327701924465360560noreply@blogger.com